When We Know Better, But Still Lose It: A Real Parenting Moment

Yesterday was one of those days.

My 15-year-old had the day off school - no routine, no medication - and it was just hard. He pushed every button we had, testing limits, back-chatting, determined to do whatever he wanted. My husband and I took turns losing patience. One of us would be calm while the other was yelling, then we’d swap roles - both knowing deep down that yelling doesn’t work, but doing it anyway.

By the end of the day, he went to bed after one of us told him off (honestly, I can’t remember which one - we were both over it). Looking back, it was probably the perfect storm: no structure, no meds, feeling safe enough to let it all out. Still, even with all my knowledge, experience, and understanding of ADHD and emotional regulation, I felt like an imposter. How could I, of all people, not handle this better?

But that’s the truth about parenting - especially parenting kids with ADHD. We can know all the strategies. We can see clearly what we “should” do. We can even coach other parents through it. And still, in the moment, our humanness takes over. We react instead of respond. We lose it.

I spoke with a psychologist today who reminded me that kids don’t need perfect parents. They just need parents who are emotionally available about 35% of the time. That’s enough for them to develop resilience, emotional safety, and trust.

So, my husband and I reflected: we’re doing it more than 35% of the time. And when we don’t, it’s okay. We’re not going to ruin him. He won’t carry emotional scars forever. In fact, he might even learn that his behaviour affects others, that relationships involve repair, and that love doesn’t disappear when things get messy.

So, if you’re reading this and you’ve had a day like ours - where you know better but do it “wrong” anyway - please be kind to yourself. You’re allowed to make mistakes. You’re allowed to be human.

Our kids need us to model imperfection, repair, and self-compassion just as much as they need structure, guidance, and understanding.

Because in the end, parenting isn’t about getting it right all the time - it’s about showing up, learning, apologising, and loving through it.

And that’s more than enough. 💛

Coaching Reflection

If this story resonated with you, it might be because you’re holding yourself to impossible standards - the kind that leave no room for the messy, human parts of parenting.

In my coaching work with parents of ADHD kids, we focus on building compassion - for your child and for yourself. Together, we look at practical ways to create calm, connection, and confidence at home, even on the hardest days.

✨ You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to keep showing up.

If you’d like some support, let’s chat about what that could look like for your family.